I realised that my previous post was a little difficult to understand. Anyway, I have another conflict (not that I always get into quarrels and arguments), that I hope will be more relevant.
My elder sister just graduated from university, and from the time that she officially graduated, it has been a few months. Till today, she has yet to find a job, and she does not seem to be actively searching for one. Currently, she is involved in some network marketing thing, of which I opposed from the start. I have been involved before, and I know how it works. I do not know how much sales she is getting, but I know that my mother has been buying a number of things from her, to "support" her. I have no problems with whatever she is doing outside, but I believe that she cannot make a living depending on my parents to "support" her all the time. She told me before that she will focus on a stable job and her sales will only provide some side income, but I do not see that happening.
Honestly, I have tried asking her if she has found a job, but all she gives me is an unhappy look. What more can I say? As a younger brother, I know my place in the family and I do not want to bring chaos into the family by bringing up such sensitive issues. What can I do to help my family?
Hi Jun Xiong,
ReplyDeleteI’m quite impressed at how concern you are over your sister. This is not the usual case with a lot of siblings that I know who often could not really careless about the others about such issues.
As the statement goes, “It takes two hands to clap”. To have good communication between two parties, there needs to be effort from both sides. I feel that if you are sincere and tried your best to voice your concerns as tactfully as possible, you have done your part. So don’t feel too bad about it.
As to how to help your family, one possible way is to change channel of communication. Instead of talking, why not you try something practical? Maybe try to find job advertisements that she might be interested in? This way you can help her with her search without seeming to be “nagging”.
Hi Jun Xiong,
ReplyDeleteAlthough you are the younger brother in your family, you are really concerned about your parents. I can feel strongly that you are a responsible and considerate man. I will be very proud if I have a brother like you. I may not understand your feelings completely as I don’t have siblings. But I do agree with you that we should live on ourselves other than the support from our parents all the time.
Now it seems that you have difficulty in communicating with your elder sister on this issue. Why not find a third party, like your brother, to talk to her? I believe he will be on your side. I hope that will help.
Hi Jun Xiong,
ReplyDeleteI think you can help in such a way, to request your mum to stop buying things from her. I am sorry to suggest such a cruel idea but I think the idea of finding a job will only strike her when she feels that the income from network marketing is not realistic as it appears right now. However, if without your mum's support on her sales and she is still satisfied with her income, it would be good if you could show her some support. I understand that you oppose network marketing but since it is her decision, try respecting it and show her some concern with her sales and whether she is coping well. This may also lead to a closer relationship between you and your sister, and she may even approach you to about her problems with her sales. This will then be a better time to suggest or urge her to get a job instead.
Sometimes, it is necessary to let someone experience their choice and make a wrong decision. Even though, it is a longer path, it will then make them realize their mistakes. Hope my suggestion is helpful and you can help your family successfully!!! :)
@Jon
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I do not even know what she wants to do in future. She has a degree in Material Science Engineering I think, but I believe she is not interested in pursuing a career in that aspect. Nonetheless, thanks, I'll keep your suggestions in mind.
@Wang Chen
Hmmm, okay. I will think about that. Thanks, I will keep a lookout for people that are in a better position to talk to her.
@Lynette
Your suggestion is not cruel, I think it is reasonable, haha. Yup I realised that it is her life, and I have decided to support her no matter what she chooses to do, because a family that is united is strong. It is so true that talking does not work most of the time. The best way for people to learn is through their own experiences.